Vaginism is perfectly recognizable as opposed to an unusual phenomena. It is the impossibility of having sexual intercourse as result of painful spasm of the muscles in the lower third part of the vagina.

These muscles around its opening contract at the approach of an object, whether a finger, penis, or speculum.

This response is involuntary, so that you can't control it by will. Typically, like most women with this complaint, you have occasionally forced penetration and suffered its consequences.

The cause of such response is fear of penetration. This is very natural. Most girls have it the first time, not because of a hymen, but because they contract their vaginal muscles. For some it persists as they expect to have painful sex, consequently tensing up their muscles involuntarily. This can easily become a vicious circle, causing sex avoidance, even if they might have felt satisfied practicing oral and manual sex.

The first recommendation would be abstaining from penetrative sex for time being. Familiarize with your own anatomy by holding a mirror and inspecting all parts, touching and wetting them with saliva or lubricant. Having practiced a couple of times, you should start to fell comfortable. Approach your vagina with your pinkie or equivalent narrower, relax by sighing deeply, then insert the object a little bit further, letting it rest until you feel at ease, taking it out and putting it back a couple of times, until relaxation. Making you come while a finger is inside is such a good idea, but nothing too harsh.

The principle of such therapy is to feel comfortable while your vagina is approached and penetrated by an object. Gradually, you would enlarge the object. The same exercise can be done with your partner or by himself. Remember to relax every time the object gets inside you until feeling comfortable with, therefore being aroused to reach an orgasm. You should be able to do the same with a penis, at last. Hold the penis, learn to play with it, look at it hard, without being frightened or disgusted. When a dick partly goes, into your vagina, leave it for a while, then take it out, and repeat. Slowly but surely, you finally have a penis inside you without difficulties. Keep your vagina well lubricated at all times.

If you follow these recommendations, your vaginismus will become a thing of the past.